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21 January 2025 at 10:49 am #120216
Andrew ukParticipantIt’s hard when the other parent doesn’t agree. Probably best to avoid court and orders etc.
Sorry things are tough.
Stay strong.
20 January 2025 at 8:26 am #120180
Andrew ukParticipantGood idea to get him some books etc. Is there a friend or family member who you could talk to?
He is struggling with two separate parents in two locations. He is too young to process what is going on.
Change to seeing his dad for days and extend it to overnights much later. When he is ready and asks for it. “I really enjoy being with dad. Can I see him for longer?”
Let him see that dad days are fun. Maybe he’s worried that you too will disappear from his life when he’s away.
Fun days with lots of child-centred activities.
19 January 2025 at 5:25 pm #120175
Andrew ukParticipantHi. Sorry I’m in London. Happy to chat though. I hope you find something that helps.
15 January 2025 at 7:49 am #120163
Andrew ukParticipantAre you close to your parents?
How did they react and respond to previous pregnancies?
Won’t they find out anyway?
Make 2 columns – for and against telling them.
Tell them! They will be so happy. Grandparents have coped with far worse.
13 January 2025 at 4:00 pm #120158
Andrew ukParticipantIt takes a while. It will still be raw as he only moved out in November, especially hard at that time of year. Maybe a New Year – new chances, new opportunities, new possibilities.
He was upset and you are. You have struggled with things for a year before you made the decision. I feel for you. Carrying that weight can’t have been easy.
One positive, if there is one, is that you have made the decision and can start to look to the future. He is hurting as are you. Somehow I wonder if you can stay in touch with him. As long as he is clear as to the situation. Although you need to be clear in your head too. I mean, is it permanent? He sounds like he wants you back? What do you want? Your happiness comes first.
You speak of being able to breathe again – good. You have been struggling for too long.
There are plenty of books suitable for her age. Plenty on the internet you can get.
You need to reassure her that just because mummy and daddy don’t want to be together anymore, they still both love you. It will mean different houses and different times when you see both of you. Somehow, put a positive spin on it.
You didn’t break up because of your issues – that is just a part of it. But do not beat yourself up because of it.
You sound like an incredibly strong person.
One thing your daughter needs is to continue to be parented by both of you. She is afraid she is going to lose you as well as her dad. Somehow he needs to see her. But each parent at their own pace, I suppose.
Finding a job is hard because of the school-run and all that. Life isn’t easy for single parents. The school-run gets in the way.
Sorry. I hope some of these thoughts help!
Andrew
6 January 2025 at 10:49 am #120123
Andrew ukParticipantI am currently not seeing my two and going through the court. It has taken 5 years so far. It is a long struggle.
I hope that the court do the sensible thing. They should take your son’s views into consideration. You won’t be sent to court for not ahering to the court order.
I hope you find a job that suits you. I know you have probably already done this but all you can do is to explain the situation at interview and say this is your situation. Some employers are more sympathetic than others (I wish all were) to the needs of families.
I am sorry you had to move.
Get in touch with me if you want to chat. There is always support out there for you.
Andrew
3 January 2025 at 3:13 pm #120104
Andrew ukParticipantHe sounds like a typical teen. Yes, friendship time is good. Does he have a male teacher at school who he could chat to? There could be a counsellor? Someone from outside the family. Or reach out and find some local family therapy. I imagine he feels his world has ended but that is not the case. You need to reassure him that both of you still love him etc.
It sounds like your son has a really good social life, with gaming, swimming and all that, he sounds very active. Keep that going.
You say he can’t stay at Dad’s. Well then he could do lots of dad-son bonding things – cinema, walking, go to the pub/meal, swimming? Or there’s even gaming together online.
Could he get a part-time job?
You also need to do things with him, that allow you and him time to spend together.
I hope this all helps!
Andrew
1 January 2025 at 1:56 pm #120101
Andrew ukParticipantHey there Rob, I am a single dad of 2. I know what you are going through. Well, some of it. It is difficult when it is you against a sea of mums! Be strong. You are doing a great job for your LO. Never forget that. I wish you the best for 2025.
28 December 2024 at 1:22 pm #120090
Andrew ukParticipantYou’re not a failure, you’re doing a great job as a mum.
28 December 2024 at 1:19 pm #120089
Andrew ukParticipantSingle parents are often overlooked. Very little support etc. I’m a non-resident dad so I feel it. Message me if you want to chat.
27 December 2024 at 6:49 am #120084
Andrew ukParticipantHi there. I’m a single dad of 2 in London. Happy to chat if you want the support or a friendly ear to listen.
You’ve kept it together so far! Doing better than you think.
There are too many so-called ‘happy’ families around. I agree with you, but all is not necessarily what it seems.
Stay strong.
27 December 2024 at 6:33 am #120083
Andrew ukParticipantHi Charlotte, I don’t have any answers. Sorry. But I thought I would say hello.
There might be no point but have you contacted your local CAB, or MP?
I knew nothing about ‘Collect and Pay’ until now.
Try “single parents org uk”.
Here is also good for advice. I have found someone from Gingerbread has replied wheni have posted in the past.
Or Mumsnet?
Message me if you want a chat.
27 December 2024 at 5:06 am #120081
Andrew ukParticipantNo, you’re not alone. There are so many parents in the same and similar positions. I’m happy to chat and have a virtual/long-distance cuppa with you. It’s hard to keep sane. You’re doing a better job that you think.
27 December 2024 at 4:37 am #120080
Andrew ukParticipantWe are all on a journey, often not knowing the destination. Or not taking the ‘regular’ or ‘conventional’ route to get there.
You’re good enough for your LO. It’s tough at times. But I take one small step at a time.
25 December 2024 at 9:10 pm #120077
Andrew ukParticipantApologies for the delayed reply. Yes, single parenting is tough. No-one tells us how to do it. No-one told us it would be like this.
You’re doing better than you think you are.
Reach out, message me, if you want.
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