If your partner or ex-partner is threatening, violent or abusive towards you or your child, you may be worried about leaving the relationship. The safety of you and your children is the most important thing. And there are things you can do to make sure you keep yourselves safe during and after a separation. 

Recognising domestic abuse

Getting legal help

Keeping your children safe

Living in a safe place

Managing financially

Tips from single parents

Domestic abuse comes in lots of different forms – not just violence. It’s important to be able to recognise when you’re in an abusive relationship and know how to leave safely. Womens Aid has lots of support for people experiencing abuse, including a comprehensive handbook full of simple guidance on every aspect of getting support.

Domestic abuse is a crime, and the law is on your side. You have the right to contact the police to report your abuser. You can also use the law to protect yourself – for example, by getting a Non-Molestation Order or Restraining Order to stop your abuser from contacting you. The Rights of Women website has advice about how to get an emergency court order and keep yourself safe. They also offer free and confidential support over the phone.

You may be worried about your children, especially if their other parent has threatened to take them away or turn them against you. You don’t have to let them see the children, unless a court has decided that they can do this. 

If you’re feeling pressured by them to have more contact than you feel is safe, Refuge has advice about protecting your children. You can also call their free, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 for advice.

Our page on making child contact arrangements explains more about your options.

There are many organisations that will help you leave home and find somewhere safe to live if you’re in an abusive relationship. You can go to a refuge or get emergency housing from your local council. Shelter also has information on the housing rights of domestic abuse survivors and how to get help if you’re homeless because of domestic abuse. The helplines listed on this page will be able to give you specific advice for your situation. 

If you’re staying in your home but want to make it safer, ask your council if they have a sanctuary scheme. This can help you make your home more secure by putting in things like stronger doors and locks, window bars and alarms that connect to the police. Your local police may also be able to give you safety advice.

Make sure the technology in your home is safe too. An abuser may use your phone, virtual assistant (like Alexa) or smart lock (like a Ring doorbell) to monitor or intimidate you. Refuge’s Tech Safety site can help you secure your tech and learn how to be online safely. 

There are processes in place to help you financially when you’re leaving an abusive relationship. The government has made this a priority – and there are special rules to help you if you need to claim benefits. 

There are also ways you can claim child maintenance safely if you have experienced domestic abuse. The Child Maintenance Service can keep your identity, location and other information secret from your ex-partner. Our page on claiming child maintenance safely has more. 

You can also talk to us for free and confidential advice about how best to deal with your specific situation. Surviving Economic Abuse also has a specialist helpline for anyone in financial difficulty who has experienced domestic abuse.